Unleashed Humor

About six months back we got a vending machine in our office.  At first a great idea, but I really feel I’m putting on the pounds.  You can only use change or $1 bills, which is a plus, but if I have $1 bills I’m spending them.  They burn a hole in my pocket.

Well you know how this story goes.  I’m hitting the vending machine several times a day.  My hands are stained orange from Doritos, I have Cheetos crumbs all over my lap top keyboard, and my desk looks like a sacred burial ground for snack bags.

Well this vending guy is a friend of mine.  He knows who eats what in the office… cause I give him the inside scoop each week…. and to be honest with you… I’m pretty much the only person eating.  We have a big office but most people are offsite at clients.  He actually knows when I’m traveling as snack sales are down.

Well some weeks back I decided to leave my $1 bills in the car…to avoid temptation.  He knew I was not traveling, yet snack sales were low.  So this assh#le decides to incorporate some “crack dealer” marketing techniques.

On Saturdays when he comes to restock the machine he’s been leaving me a few bags of my all time favorite, Entenmann’s Mini Chocolate muffins on my desk.  Free samples to get me hooked.  If you’ve never had these things they are like crack.  They melt in your mouth and you can’t stop eating them.

The first day he did this I gorged on the samples, then got my $1 bills and started buying. I went into remission.  After seaking therapy and hitting mini-muffin detox, I got myself back to avoiding the snack machine.  But last weekend he did it again…. free muffins and some chips.  That bastard!  I must have hit that machine like 6 times in the last two days.

Moral of the story:  There are good friends and then there are friends who have vending machines…. watch out for the later. 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 6:29 pm and is filed under F#CK Eating Healthy – Chunky Man’s Corner. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.