Unleashed Humor

Flowers on St. Patrick’s Day. A disgrace.

Posted on 13. Mar, 2008 by The Troll in Blinded by the Rage

I’m getting all sorts of SPAM the last few days on flowers for St. Patrick’s Day.  The flower industry is out of control, promoting flowers for just about anything.  Now I know Irish culture, have seen all the Leprechaun movies, and from what I’ve gathered, about the only thing you get for St. Patrick’s day is green beer, whiskey and a miserable hangover the next morning.  Flowers for a true Irishman can be dangerous.

OK, it’s March 17th morning, 7 AM.  You’re die-hard IRISH.  You’ve got the Notre Dame poster on the wall, shamrock tattoo on your inner thigh and empty Jamison bottles all over the house.  You’ve already pounded about 8 green beers (you dyed yourself) and watching Patriot Games… rooting for the terrorists (screw Harrison Ford). 

At 7:15 AM you start doing shots.  Fast forward 4 hours.  At 11:15 AM you hear a knock at the door.  By this time you are in complete rage mode.  You’re just wearing a green, shamrock imprinted thong. The radio is blaring Bloody Sunday and you are lip-synching in front of the bathroom mirror (using a beer bottle as a microphone). 

You throw on a pair of pants, you stumble to the door, only to find the FTD Flowers delivery guy, with the “Blooms o’ Luck St. Paddy’s Day” FLOWER MUG.   You go ape sh#t.  This is not only an insult to your manhood but your Irish heritage.  You toss this flower collection and start beating down the delivery guy.  As he lay there, and you are unzipping your pants to pee on him, he yells out “my name is Seamus”.  “My God, this guy’s Irish”.  You pull him up, empty the flowers from your “Blooms o’ Luck St. Paddy’s Day” FLOWER MUG and poor him a beer.

Happy St. Patricks Day you drunks!

Tags: beer, day, drinking, drunk, flowers, Irish, St. Paddys, St. Patricks